Madonna & Guy Ritchie are All Loved Up at Cannes

Madonna turned up on the red carpet with an unsmiling Guy Ritchie at the premiere of her film, “I Am Because We Are”, at the 61st Annual Cannes Film Festival on Wednesday.

They looked like an awesome couple in love in every way.

Madonna clothed in Chanel was the epitome of the more is more school of thought what with the combination of her golden hair with regrowth poking through, dazzling bling, massive false eyelashes and her penchant for bucket loads of black eyeliner she gave drag a good name.

Guy Ritchie’s face was so grave one would have thought he was attending a funeral.

Nobody seemed particularly happy and clearly some sort of you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours arrangement appeared to be in place. Something along the lines of so if you turn up on my arm at Cannes for my movie, I will turn up on your arm for the RocknRolla premiere later this year.

That way we will be guaranteed a huge amount of press as well as give the impression that this cockamaney marriage is for real – you dig?

Guy dug.

OK So Touch Your Head Gently Against Mine Just Like We Rehearsed

Here are Nicole and Keith practicing the fine art of gentle head tapping. This is an ancient lovers’ technique that Nic conquered up to supposedly convey an advanced level of intimacy between the pair. It’s way superior to actually touching or god forbid kissing in public.

Or is it that Nicole can’t bear that Keith’s three day growth should graze against her soft, plumped lily white botoxed cheeks? Then again perhaps neither Nicole or in fact Keith wants to wipe off the heavy layer of makeup that they both like to wear so much.

Nicole and Keith are on the red carpet at the 43rd annual Academy of Country Awards held at the MGM Grand Garden Arena on May 18 in Las Vegas.

It’s in fact the first time that Nic seems to have a perfectly rounded pregnant belly to show off to the world. Her hand remained glued to the underside of her tummy either to protect the contents or in case the pillow falls out – hard to say really.