Madonna & Guy Ritchie Can’t Stand Each Other's Faces

After much media speculation and the couple not looking too happy on the red carpet of late, Madonna and Guy Ritchie have finally announced their split.

A jointly statement emailed to The Associated Press by Madonna’s publicist, Liz Rozenberg, announced that Madonna and filmmaker Guy Ritchie will end their marriage after nearly eight years. The couple asked the media to “maintain respect for their family at this difficult time,”

The financials and custodial arrangements are yet to be agreed to by the couple.

Madonna and film director, Guy Ritchie, were married at Skibo Castle in the Scottish Highlands in December 2000. The couple have two children: Rocco 8, and David Banda, 3, who was adopted from Malawi in 2006. Madonna also has a 12-year-old daughter, Lourdes, from her previous relationship with Carlos Leon.

The couple are reportedly worth approximately $525 million combined, of which the vast majority of that belongs to Madonna and Guy Ritchie bringing in an estimated $35 million. They have homes in London, Los Angeles and New York, as well as a country estate in Wiltshire and a pub in Mayfair.

It’s alleged that though Madonna wanted to delay the announcement of their split till after her global "Sticky and Sweet" tour ended, their fighting got so bad that Ritchie just wanted out, according to the Sun newspaper.

Madonna finally relented and they are both now looking for the divorce to be complete prior to Christmas.

Brad Pitt Tells The World Please Don’t Photograph My Family

Brad Pitt has been talking it up about how he despises the paparazzi and berates them for continually pursuing his family whilst they jet set around the world every second day for either a media event or some world crisis.

That’s why he chose to publish a set of photos that he himself shot of Angelina Jolie, semi nude and breastfeeding on the cover of upcoming November issue of W as well as showcasing his six rainbow children to the world within the pages inside.

Do these people hear the irony in what they say? One minute they want privacy and sanctuary from the world’s prying cameras yet they continue to use the media as a channel for funnelling their incessant need for self gratification when it pleases them.

Granted the shots are beautiful, with that grainy, illicit feel and Brad is no doubt a talented photographer and Angelina certainly has no issues with getting her kit off for the money shots and the children are absolutely gorgeous, but Brad, please understand exactly who is driving the media frenzy here.

Wonky Eye Mariah

What’s wrong with Mariah’s left eye? It looks a little wonky. Or maybe the happy pill just hasn’t worn off yet. Mariah is with new hubby, Nick Cannon at the 2008 Whitney Museum of American Art’s gala and studio party at the Whitney Museum of American Art on 20 October in New York. Her little black dress is surprisingly on the bigger side of little. Usually she prefers something more miniscule.

Mariah likes to start her party routine around 2pm after she awakens at midday from a bed of duck yellow 600 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. She bathes only in the finest Poland spring water shipped in for that very purpose scented with the buds of a hundred pale yellow roses.

After her bath she massages in luxurious layers of her favourite body lotion, M by Mariah Carey all over her body and slips into her very little black dress which sits demurely just above the crotch line. Finally a happy pill arrives on a silver plate accompanied by a bottle of her favourite Cristal champagne with a champagne flute. Just the ticket to ensure her Cheshire grin stays firmly in place at the party.

Before she leaves, Mariah nibbles on a light snack of donuts, bagels, croissants, waffles, cheese & crackers, tortilla, pasta, sandwiches, hamburgers, French fries, chicken pot pie, fried chicken, roast turkey, pork chops, mashed potato so she can fashionably waste her meal at the event.

I guess on this particular occasion Mariah might have washed down her happy pill with just a little too much Cristal.

Note: Food requirements taken verbatim from Mariah's backstage rider.

Heavenly Brangelina – Let Us Pray

It was really just too much to bear for us mere mortals.

As Brangelina glided down the red carpet at the “Changeling” premiere on the 4th at the Ziegfeld Theatre in New York, our hearts were in our mouths.

There was just too much beauty in the room – we were temporarily blinded by the heat given off by these demi-gods.

Please take your heavenliness elsewhere, we just can’t stand it. Even Clint Eastwood appeared in a trance, stunned by Brangelina’s halo of perfection.

Looking classy and amazingly hot in a black strapless dress, Angelina was streets ahead of every other try-hard in Hollywood with her minimal look and accompanied by beautiful handbag Brad, who sexed it up with his mo and ever so casually slung black scarf.

The sound of cameras clicking every millisecond was deafening and yet Ang remained serene, sacred and god-like above the chaos as we all fell at her feet and fainted upon sighting her after being barred from viewing her image for so long.

Pray for us, please holy lady that somehow one day we will be worthy and you will select us as an orphan to join your brood.

Catherine Zeta Jones Does Chimney Sweeping On The Side

Catherine Zeta Jones was seen at the recent UNA-USA’s Annual Dinner in New York on 1st October, on the arm of her husband, Michael Douglas.

She looked her usual glamorous self, however, on closer inspection, we noticed her face was an overly burnished, bronzed golden colour with a lovely little shine on her piggy nose.

Looking more chimney sweeper than A lister, we weren’t sure if she was modelling the latest trend in makeup artistry or if she was trying to do some major covering up of something on her face – either way it was a rather kooky sight to behold.

Do these people not check their reflection in the mirror or do they only see the image of beauty staring back at them?

Michael better plan to hide once Catherine sees the photos in the press - she's known to have a bad temper!