Paris Hilton: I'm Not A Slut, I Was Just Acting

Paris Hilton is hurtin. She’s sick of the shit the world is throwing her way. She wants everyone to back off and stop calling her shallow, cheap and other undesirable names.

Apparently the scantily clad Paris you’ve seen dancing on table tops and posted on every celebrity website and blog including this one, is all an act. It’s a brand, a pose that Paris insists must be played so she can bring in the cold hard cash. And y’all fell for it too.

There you were thinking she was just a low ho when in fact calculating Paris has been keeping her eye on the prize. After all the Hilton Hotel chain is looking a bit shabby of late and there’s always the possibility the heiress won’t collect as much as was initially expected when the time comes to hand over that cheque.

Whilst filming her upcoming MTV series, aptly titled, "Paris, Not France", Paris appeared momentarily concerned about her public image. "In a way, (the persona) is good, but I also don’t want people thinking of me as this blond heiress… airhead," she says. "But that is kind of my brand. I make a lot of money by doing that."

The 28-year-old socialite also revealed she was worried about misconceptions placed upon her from her infamous sex tape, adding that people perceive her "thinking I’m a slut and thinking I’m something that I’m not".

Paris went on to explain that the makers of the documentary added in footage from 1 Night In Paris without her knowledge. "I didn’t know the sex tape was going to be in it," she says. "It’s very tough… I can’t believe they kept that part in there. I thought they kept that part out."

Paris’s brow furrowed for a second whilst she mused over the situation. She then yelled toodles, reapplied her lipgloss and ran off in a dream like state to meet her sister, Nicky for a round of much needed retail therapy. It would ease the pain of what she was feeling and she did very much need another Blackberry to go with the other twelve models she had at home.

Paula Abdul, Your Time Ends Now ...

Ok so the slurring and the momentary lapses of sensibility appear to be coming to an end. And it’s a damn shame if that’s the case; she was the best thing on American Idol.

The rest are replaceable, obviously the contestants, especially the other two judges.

In fact, just have a desk with Paula sitting there mumbling incoherently. Now that’s what I call good television.

The callback auditions begin on August 6th but Paula is yet to be offered a contract for the coming season, though Simon Cowell was inked up super fast.

Clearly Paula and her manager, David Sonenberg, are miffed at Paula not being included in the next series.

Speaking to Los Angeles Times, David said,

"Very sadly, it does not appear that she's going to be back on 'Idol."
"I find it under these circumstances particularly unusual; I think unnecessarily hurtful," he said of the contract holdup. "I find it kind of unconscionable and certainly rude and disrespectful that they haven't stepped up and said what they want to do."

By the moving speech above, I take it her manager was possibly even more upset than Paula with the news. After all he had to compose the statement, whilst Paula sat dazed and confused in a corner, offering futile advice like she did with the Idol contestants.

David now has to deal with the added pressure of Paula hanging out at his house whilst he does his best trying to find her a new job.

No easy task when your client is stuck in some weird 80’s fashion statement.

Don’t worry David. Maybe American Idol will suddenly remember they need three judges, realise nobody else wants the gig and come crawling back to the nutbag.

Oh Happy Days!