Mercury Revs Its Poisonous Head Into Jeremy Piven

Entourage star Jeremy Piven suffers from mercury poisoning which is apparently the reason why he abruptly departed the Broadway play “Speed-the-Plow” that he had been appearing in since opening on October 24 at the Ethel Barrymore Theatre in Manhattan.

Piven’s doctor said the man had been eating sushi twice a day for years, which accounted not only for his plump, dewy skin but was also the reason as to why the mercury levels in his body are six times higher than the average human being.

Dr Carlon Colker of the Peak Wellness Center told the New York Post, "He's a voracious sushi eater. I tested him, and he's got a shocking level of almost six times the upper limit of what's allowable."

Mercury poisoning has left the star suffering from acute exhaustion, causing him to make his hasty exit from the show, even though he has consistently and reliably in the past (and no doubt in the future) managed to summon all the energy in the world to party on till the break of dawn with neither an attack of fatigue nor a sushi roll sighted.

Unsurprisingly, many are finding Piven’s mercury poisoning story fishy to say the least, especially after details of backstage clashes and plenty of tomfoolery being reported during production. A number of medical experts interviewed by US media have also spoken of their suspicions on his poisoning claims.

The walk out has left investors in the Broadway show and fellow actors seriously pissed with Piven due to a drop in ticket sales of around $160,000 a week since his departure as well as many unhappy fans who had bought tickets specifically to see Piven in action.

David Mamet, the show's writer was indifferent to Piven's suspected mercury poisoning telling Daily Variety, "So my understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer."

Hilarious.

Oh well let’s face it, doing a show every night was an absolute bore for Piven when there’s all those parties to attend.

Hey Jeremy, there’s over a two hundred different types of sushi out there, maybe you should check them all out. Enjoy