Hello Sailor – John Mayer Gets His Sea Legs Out On Display

John Mayer gets stranger by the day. Gone are the smouldering, brooding singer, guitarist days of yore. Ok he can turn that on if he wants to, but clearly he doesn’t want to anymore.

He thinks he is some sort of super funny comedian now and he is pulling all the stops out to channel this new found supposed talent. It’s not a good look for him and more to the point, he’s really not funny.

Somewhere along the line someone said to him, hey dude, you are like really funny and you know that saying don’t believe the hype? Well you guessed it, he believed that shit.

Here he is on the Mayercraft, a 3 day gay old cruise to Mexico that Mayer hosted for his sycophantic attendees and entertained them with his music, comedy and antics including debuting a song called “Heartbreak Warfare” which left people wondering if it was about Jennifer Aniston, declaring in a comedy sketch that he had got it on with Perez Hilton and alluding to partaking in a bit of gayness on the side in a bid to be witty and risqué as well as showcasing his very long legs in this miniscule naval ensemble.

Ok it has to be said John Mayer is extremely good looking but he is going out of his way to damage his image and alienate his audience by acting like a total fool. The song “Daughters” is never going to be the same for me again when all I can picture is Mayer in those ludicrous shorts.

Ok the whole thing is mildly amusing but it just reeks of arrogant famewhoring.

At least we know one thing for sure, he’s not the next Sasha Baron Cohen.

Jennifer Aniston: The Evil Witch Comes Out of Hiding

Ok a bit dramatic, but then so is she.

We know the woman wants to hide from the paparazzi and who can blame her, she is hounded day and night. But this sort of cloak and dagger get up is ridiculous.

Jennifer Aniston was seen leaving her hotel room in New York early morning, for a day’s filming on her latest move “The Baster” which she co-stars with Jason Bateman.

Now that Ms Aniston has no need for the press, i.e. her attendance at the Oscars, and promotion for Marley & Me had finished, not to mention her subsequent break up with John Mayer as he was no longer required, she ensured she covered up well and popped on a witch’s hat just to throw everyone.

However when she did finally pop her head out from under her frightening headgear, she realised she had been trailed all along by at least fifty photographers so her cover up was pointless.

As above mentioned scheme was futile, the next day, Jennifer was back to swinging her golden locks at the camera as if she was filming a shampoo commercial.

If you can't beat em, join em.

Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer Fight Over Dumpee Title

Yeah, they are at it again. Only weeks after declaring they were a serious item to contend with at the Oscars, where they staged a lovey dovey vibe, Jennifer and John Mayer seem to have gone their separate ways. Boring!

Ok we’ve been there done that with these two but the question is who showed who the door first?

When you’re a celebrity and you’re part of a celebrity couple, it’s important that when you break up with the other party, you alert the media immediately afterwards and announce very loudly that it was in fact you that dumped the other person.

You need to beat the other person to the post by letting the press know so that you come out the winner. You never want to look like the loser in the story, that somebody dumped your sorry ass and left you crying at a cafe somewhere.

It’s not a good look.

So the question is did John Mayer dump Jennifer Aniston or did Jennifer dump John.

Initially it looked as if Mayer took the title of “Dumpee.” He got in there nice and early with the press to ensure it was angled his way. But now Jennifer has come out to say in fact it was she who dumped Mayer, allegedly saying he became cold and distant after the Oscars. Probably due to the fact he was more in love with his Twitter account.

Guys get over it, your act at the Oscars wasn’t fooling us. We knew it worked well for both parties but now that the contractual obligations are complete, there’s no point keeping up the charade, is there?

Though wondering what Aniston will do for a partner at the premiere of her new movie “Management.”

Better get John back.

John Mayer Votes For John Mayer, Unsurprisingly

Well that’s a huge shock isn’t it? John Mayer’s at it again, big upping himself and partaking in a humongous marketing campaign at self promotion, even though he announced to the world that after his appearance with Jennifer Aniston at the Oscars, he would vanish from sight to work on an album.

Well he didn't. Guess he couldn’t stand to leave us without one of his fascinating witticisms.

Clearly tickled by the flurry of stories being written about him, albeit inadvertently through his association with Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer cannot help himself. He must be on the web researching how many articles refer to him on an hourly basis and studying each story at length. He then uses his Twitter page to wax lyrical on his favourite topic – himself.

In a Twitter post yesterday, Mayer said "I just voted on People's 'Is John Mayer a keeper?' poll. I clicked 'Love him'."

He’s referring to People’s poll asking punters whether Jennifer Aniston should stay with John Mayer and if he is a keeper.

Well unfortunately John adding his own vote on the matter hasn’t really seemed to help.

Results of the poll show that only 40% love him. The balance 60% who want Jennifer to lose the guy seem like very smart people indeed.

But you know John’s a very dedicated guy and he’ll put in the hours necessary to make John Mayer a fully fledged star. He’s determined to push up those statistics and won’t stop till we love him a full 100%.

Oh god, have we created a monster?

John Mayer To Make Virgin Debut At Oscars

With stars in his eyes, John Mayer announced that he would be attending Sunday night’s Academy Awards as Jennifer Aniston’s handbag.

This is John’s big chance to make an impression on Hollywood, after all, he is tall, dark, handsome and his home videos are super funny.

Surely he would be awesome on the big screen, so directors please do take notice of the man candy on Jen’s arm. It won’t be long before they are lining up outside his door with scripts.
Clearly starstruck with his gold star chance, John revealed his thrilling news in an interview with PopSugar saying:

“I’ll give you the scoop. I’m going to the Oscars. It’s my first Oscars. And it’s my first being an Oscar boyfriend. After that night I have a deal almost signed in blood that says I must go into the studio and finish this record. So after Oscar Sunday, Monday morning I’m invisible.”

Jennifer Aniston is rumoured to be a presenter at the event and no doubt with the power wattage of Brangelina on the red carpet, the woman definitely needs some support to get her through the seven or so hour show even if it is from a douche who is desperate to make it in Hollywood. But then again she’s using the guy too so it all evens out nicely.

Let’s hope there are some fireworks on the red carpet.

Is Jennifer Aniston Playing John Mayer Out?

If the answer's yes, then it would serve the douchebag right for his previous misdemeanours to womanhood.

It seems that Jennifer Aniston was spotted sneakily creeping out the back door of Chateau Marmont last week, (hangout of more obvious bad girl types; Lyndsay Lohan, Sienna Miller and Paris Hilton), with a gorgeous man in tow, who was holding Ms Aniston tightly as if his life depended on it and helping her to navigate through the horde of spying nosey bodies who were openly gawking at the pair.

By all accounts her hot companion was way better looking and better behaved than Mayer. Witnesses described him as “taller, darker and handsomer,” and he appeared a lot more protective, shielding Aniston from the pushy peeps as they made their way to the safety of their awaiting limo.

For Aniston’s part, the same witnesses said she was looking "absolutely radiant and ravishing”.

Is Jen playing John Mayer out or is she just ensuring that he proposes to her on her upcoming 40th birthday?

Let's see how this saga pans out as 2009 progresses.

John Mayer & Pete Wentz Stroke Each Others Egos

Nauseating isn’t it? Not sure whose ego is bigger, but if size does matter then these two douches have egos ten times larger than their pea brains and any other working equipment they might own.

John Mayer seems more interested in sucking up to bestie, Pete Wentz, bass player from Fall Out Boy and husband of airhead Ashlee Simpson, than talking it up about latest squeeze Jennifer Aniston, even though she has really scraped the bottom of the compliment barrel to come up with some bullshit praise for his sad ass.

The story goes that as Wentz and band were being interviewed for the upcoming February issue of Blender magazine at The Beverly Hills Hotel, who should rock up right on cue but none other than boyfriend, John Mayer. Clearly, feeling media interest on him waning, Mayer felt it necessary to cut in on Wentz’ press time and thereby keep his own hype chugging along.

When asked about Wentz, Mayer’s perplexing response was,

“Pete has this fabulous meta-awareness.” “Some people mistake it for narcissism, but it’s really just his way of playing with the idea of ‘Pete Wentz.’ His genius is he’s always one step ahead.” Mayer also admires the way Wentz has navigated the perils of tabloid romance: “To have this beautiful relationship with someone who gets attacked so often, and to handle it with such grace and respect—I just find that really impressive.”

Firstly, can somebody explain what meta awareness is?

Secondly, why does John Mayer elevate Pete Wentz, (who in the same Blender interview says about Ashlee Simpson “I hunted her down and shot the dart in her,”) to the heights of being a genius?

Answer – because John Mayer who is in a parallel situation to Wentz with his own famous girlfriend Aniston, thinks he is a genius too and is actually referring to himself via the smoke screen of talking about Wentz. He couldn’t care less about Pete, I mean why would you? Mayer just wants the world to know that he is totally clever and shit hot and can come up with inspired words like “meta-awareness” that everyone is going to start using because it’s just so damn awesome.

I think in this instance, meta egomaniac is probably more suitable and even more awesome.

Click here to read story on Blender.

I Can Still See You Jennifer

In case you didn’t know, that's Jennifer Aniston under that hoodie and striped scarf coming out of John Mayer’s NY apartment, Friday night. Yeah sorry Jen, had to blow your cover and give it away to the world.

Perhaps if you tried to look more inconspicuous you would have gone a bit more unnoticed instead of coming out all skanky ho tracksuit girl.

We know you don’t want to look like you was gettin jiggy with Mayer and then leaving to go back to your own apartment, but we are all adults here so just get over yourself and figure out which role to play.

Jen clearly must have been reading my blog, because the very next day she re-materialised out of Mayer’s flat in the morning, after a second night of horizontal mambo, but this time she seemed happy to reveal herself to the waiting paparazzi, not cowering under her hoodie, with just her striped scarf as a clue to her identity. She even went so far as to offer a small smile for the cameras as if to say, yes it’s me, yes I’ve been having sexy time with Mayer, yes I have lustrous blonde hair and a tight bod.

Jen’s ramping up all stops to ensure “Marley & Me” is a success when it opens on Christmas Day, so only maximum press overkill will do. And I think she’s figured just how to do that. Walk out of you’re toy boy’s building with head high. Pimp your ass and flaunt your slutiness. You go girl.

To see the full details of Jen's overkill, click here.

Aniston & Mayer Go For The Kill, The Press Overkill

Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer being spotted in New York is just so common now, it’s practically an hourly occurrence, especially in the final days leading up to Christmas when Aniston’s movie “Marley & Me” opens.

It’s vital to be spotted at frequent intervals around town and if there is a toy boy with you that can help you sell even more media space, then all the better. Images can then be taken of the couple and splashed worldwide but the essential point here is to be front and center in people’s minds before the movie starts.

Aniston needs this to be a box office hit if she wants to keep working in movie land. Her other attempts have generally been shit, so all bets have been placed on Marley’s furry shoulders. Aniston’s asking a lot with a story about a puppy but hey it’s Christmas, you just never know.

To aid this effort, Aniston & Mayer were seen two nights in a row this week, walking, just walking, to where exactly nobody knew or cared. They didn’t want to use their hire car to take them the five steps required to get from one venue to the next as has previously been the norm because they needed the paparazzi to take a shot or at least fifty so people don’t forget who they are in time for Aniston’s movie release.

They smiled, giggled and looked adoringly into each other’s eyes. Well Aniston looked into Mayer’s eyes and Mayer just looked strange. The whole thing seemed staged as previously they have gone out of their way to avoid being photographed together.

As it was Aniston who was due to gain from the public display of affection, Mayer not wanting to be overshadowed, came up with this pearl to help his girly’s movie.

"I'm happy to report the movie is completely in focus."
"I want everyone to know that," he told the gathered paps.

He then joked that he and Aniston were walking all the way to Harlem. "90 more blocks, guys!" he teased photographers. "90 more blocks!"

Oh, he’s an absolute scream that one.

The paps chuckled at the merriment being shared amongst them and all was well again that snowy night in New York.

Jennifer, John, Owen, Marley & Me

So this is what all that press was leading up to, you know the Oprah interview, Vogue article, GQ piece etc, that was all for this? Yeah that’s right it’s the premiere of Jennifer Aniston’s movie “Marley & Me,” about a puppy or something.

The way Aniston was everywhere on the press circuit I thought she was launching a new space station. No, no, it’s just a movie about a dog. OK, it is a cute puppy dog but was it necessary for Aniston to do the blanket publicity coverage thing for that?

But then again I guess that’s the measure a girl has to take these days when she has a movie launching the same week as her ex husband. Yes that’s right, the same ex husband by the name of Brad Pitt that said girl was once married to.

And there was every chance that this certain Brad Pitt would bring his partner, a certain Angelina Jolie to his premiere night scheduled on the same week to make it a media spectacle.

He did bring her and she did make it a media spectacle.

Hence the need to keep up with these people if not upstage them entirely.

Aniston came quite close to that at the “Marley & Me Premiere.” She was positively glowing with masses of blonde hair, golden Californian tan and teeny weeny black dress.

And then there was pale faced John Mayer, her new boyfriend. Mayer did his best to keep up with the scrutiny and was clearly enamoured by the all the press attention but he lets the side down. Besides from the fact that they never posed together for the money shot - but that’s only a matter of time.

Keep trying Jen, The Brange is within reach.

Jennifer Takes Gushing To A New Level Over John Mayer

Jennifer Aniston who has been on the press merry go round promoting her new movie “Marley & Me” has broken her own rule of not discussing her relationships by hurling superlatives to UK Daily Mirror on how “extraordinary” John Mayer is.

Clearly giddy with new love for the 31 year old musician, Aniston gushed embarrassingly over him, raising him to new heights of brilliance and to the level of a demi-god.

"He's a rare one. He is extraordinary and it is wonderful to watch him. The way his brain works and the way he thinks thoughts... it's beautiful," she said.

"It's an amazing thing to watch a musician think. I don't know many musicians but when his guitar is on him it's just like a channel. It's something I've never ever seen before," she added.

Wow deep shit.

The fact the guy can think thoughts is pretty amazing.
I just have thoughts but to actually think them, well....genius, right there.

Jen & John initially got together in April of this year with Jen moving rapidly to obsession within a short time following him like a puppy to Europe whilst he was touring and doing the groupie thing backstage and on the tour bus.

They then broke up in August with Mayer charmingly announcing to the press he had dumped her sorry ass, only to get it back on again in October and by November all was clearly forgiven by Aniston and she was back to where she was originally – falling at Mayer’s feet.

John Mayer’s extraordinary ego must be the size of a house right now.

Let’s hope for her sake that his ego is worth it.

To see the full interview click here

Oh God, They’re Back Together

Looks like Jennifer Aniston and her publicity starved toy boy, John Mayer, are back together again. I guess Mayer couldn’t stand not having the soothing feeling of camera flashbulbs burn his eyeballs and he just wasn’t feeling the love without Jen at his side. Let’s face it, the photos of him solo were fetching 2 cents each.

So John thought long and hard about what was really important in life and love and decided to give her a call.

Jen and John were seen dining together last night in New York. They left the restaurant separately because nobody knew about their relationship nor noticed the swarm of paparazzi tagging behind them and then met up at the Goldbar. Afterwards, they couldn’t stand the all the cloak & dagger stuff so just left together to head back to their hotel.

A radiant Aniston appeared on Oprah earlier the same day after a crammed week promoting of her upcoming movie “Marley & Me” to talk about the “uncool” comments she made about Angelina Jolie in the December issue of Vogue. She tried her best to backpeddle and appear like someone who wasn’t bitter and twisted about her marriage, going so far as to wish the Brangelina well.

Instead she was clearly gagging to discuss her on again union with Mayer, admitting she was seeing him and talking him up to be the saint that he truly is.


Looking forward to see how this one plays out.