Brad Pitt Spews Forth Sickening Declaration of Love For Angie

Ok we’re sickened, literally. Hands down the throat at this latest unnecessary statement by the ever so perfect yet titillating couple, well Brad anyway.

Clearly frightened by the power “She” yields on him, Brad felt the need at every given turn in Cannes to somehow mention Angelina and be thankful for their heavenly relationship and six god spun cherubs.

Speaking at an after-party in Cannes, Pitt said, “I am in love and I have the most beautiful family - what else can a guy want? I am the happiest man ever.”

“My daughter from Africa is beautiful. We’re so lucky to have her and to have children from around the world. They’re all fantastic and we would love another. Who knows, maybe we’ll have one in London, I’d like that.”

A zillion people round the world suddenly felt nauseous.

Yes we know you are apparently totally loved up with each other, we know you are perfectly assembled creatures, we know your brood of angels are glorious and we know you had to absolutely outshine Quentin Tarantino at the premiere of his movie Inglorious Basterds, at Cannes, but really it’s not necessary to shove your faeces down our throats?

Or perhaps Angelina wrote that little love statement for Brad to read out. Because it seemed staged. Why did Brad feel the need to declare his sugary feelings to the outside world? Who the hell are we? Sure we lapped up that crap but it really wasn’t necessary.

We never thought we were on their level anyway, after all we are just humans. They, on the other hand are specimens of perfection. The pressure to maintain the role of god’s most loved and beautiful couple on the planet must be massive.

How long can they sustain it before the next god-like couple hits town?

Oscar Recap: Razzle Dazzle & All That Jazz

Well we were presented with a new all singing all dancing format for the 81st Oscars on Sunday night that was low on the jokes but high on the dazzle.

But did we love it’s campness?

Well let’s just say Hugh Jackman delivered a spectacular spectacle alright but lacked the sarcastic deliciousness of previous hosts, John Stewart, Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg who had the gift of being able to send up the Hollywood community and make us all laugh at home even if the celebs who were at the Kodak Theatre didn’t or couldn’t chuckle due to tightened facial muscles.

To compensate for the fact that a financial crisis is taking place in the States, Hollywood tried to act as if cutting costs for big production numbers at the Oscars would be seen as sympathetic to the economic crisis and amusing to boot by the millions of people watching from home, so makeshift cardboard cut-outs representing the five best picture nominees were used as props to back up Hugh’s all singing/dancing review.

Yeah ok, we the peoples, were mildly amused by this but really it was like watching some seventies musical or possibly the Tony Awards which Hugh Jackman already hosted in a similar fashion.

The crowd was positioned closer to the stage inviting a theatresque, intimate setting where laughter could be heard reverberating around the room and dispelling the tension and intimidation experienced in previous years.

Unfortunately the pleasure of seeing Hollywood squirm as we have at past Oscars was sadly lacking but what we were rewarded with was a night of great speeches by a cross section of people.

Notable mentions of the night:

Hugh Jackman – performed a stellar Cabaret opening number complete with high kicks, thick orange pancake makeup and dried up saliva which seemed to be forming at the corners of his mouth due to nerves or dehydration perhaps?

Tina Fey & Steve Martin – one of the few really funny moments of the night. These two presented the Writers Awards and were just awesome together. Anyone got a script to throw their way?

Penelope Cruz – Won Best Supporting Actress and gave one of the best and real speeches of the night about growing up in a small town in Spain and her dreams of being at the Oscars.

Ben Stiller & Natalie Portman – Ben Stiller’s Joaquin Phoenix impersonation was spot on but not sure if everyone in the Kodak Theatre or watching from home for that matter got it.

Heath Ledger – Unsurprisingly, Heath won for Best Supporting Actor and even though he has been winning every precursor award in this category it was still extremely poignant to see his mother, father and sister come up to the stage to accept his award and give a very dignified speech on his behalf.

Kate Winslet – Finally won for Best Actress after being nominated several times. Looking breathtaking in her two toned YSL blue and black gown, her speech was much better than her over the top sermon she delivered for her win at the Golden Globes.

Sean Penn – Sean upstaged Mickey Rourke with his Best Actor win but gave a brilliant speech starting with "You commie, homo-loving sons of guns. I did not expect this, and I want it to be very clear that I do know how hard I make it to appreciate me often."

Danny Boyle – Our favourite of the night, Boyle’s speech was gracious and honest – a truly genuine guy.

But the best for last, the most noteworthy moment of the night though has to be the Brangelina vs Aniston debacle. As Jennifer Aniston took to the stage with Jack Black to present the Animation awards, the Oscar producers couldn’t resist a sneaky cut to Angelina Jolie to gauge her reaction.

But Jolie being the smart lady she was and noticing the camera lens pointing her way, had already arranged her features with a warm expression, smiling widely up at Aniston when the cameras panned her way as if what Aniston was saying was just so great and funny and if they were all going to invite each other over for a cup of tea real soon.

Ah Hollywood, don’t you just love em.

Gwyneth Paltrow Is So Not Cheesy

No way. She is class personified. You got that.

That is why at last Sunday’s Grammy Awards, she deemed it “cheesy” to walk down the red carpet with her husband and Coldplay front man, Chris Martin, opting to go solo. She told Fox News, “It’s cheesy. I mean, who wants to live like that?”

Oh the haughtiness, the fact she is totally above it. Brangelina; lovers of red carpet must be distressed by her comments.

But do we really believe her cheese?

Could it have anything to do with the fact that Martin doesn’t ever want to be seen with his wife in public and frankly this is something she cannot stand.

Here she is, a beautiful woman with a yoga toned body to boot and her husband doesn’t want to be seen with her. That’s gotta hurt.

Gwyneth strikes me as a pampered princess who always got her way before she met Martin. Then she got married and things changed.

So what’s a girl to do?

Well, Gwynnie had a good chat with herself and got into some serious self loving. She said “You be strong girl, you get yourself off that spoiled ass and you sashay down that red carpet like you own it and you dress yourself in the most sexiest, outrageous clothes and everyone is going to love you and worship at your feet.”

So far all Gwynnie has managed to extract from her public is a few raised eyebrows at her choice of outfits, but it takes time to gather worshippers and she is dedicated to assemble a group of sycophants so she can run back to her hubby and scream, you fool, look how much the world adores me.

The Jolie-Pitt Posse on Display In Japan

The Jolie-Pitts arrived en masse in Japan early Tuesday morning and struggled to get their brood of six through Narita airport.

Naturally they caused a spectacle, not because of the size and beauty of their rainbow family though that alone was enough to cause traffic in the airport but because they were trailed by a massive pack of paparazzi all vying for that money shot.

Flash bulbs went off in every direction and the gathering crowd was temporarily blinded, or was it just due to the Jolie-Pitt’s gorgeousness.

This was the first time we were able to view the whole clan in one place and their beauty was too much for mere mortals.

The twins, Vivienne and Knox were so delightful and pleasing to the eye, but then again what could we expect from this family of exquisite saints. Knox wore an adorable matching beret just like his dad and was almost as good looking. Both twins had the same dear in the headlights expression on their faces because they were scared shitless by all the press around them.

The family arrived in Japan for the premiere of Brad's latest film “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.” Pitt has been promoting this movie since like eternity, so he will be glad when the Oscars are finished so he can put Mr Button to bed.

They are due to return to the US in time for the Academy Awards, where both have been nominated for Best Acting Oscars and no doubt will steal the show even if they don't go home with an award.

Let’s Throw A Pity Party for Brad Pitt

Poor old Brad Pitt.

It must be terribly hard ambling down all those countless red carpets with the most beautiful woman in the world i.e. Angelina Jolie, dangling from his arm, being paid twenty million per blockbuster movie, having six gorgeously stunning children, a string of multi-million dollar homes around the world, a jet setting lifestyle and then, god forbid, having to actually answer idiotic questions by irritatingly stupid entertainment reporters on the red carpet such as “what colour underpants are you wearing today?”

Yeah life’s a bitch.

And it’s even more of a bitch when you are one half of the most famous couples on earth, Brangelina, and possess higher powers than mere mortals, so dumb questions really insult your intelligence.

In an interview with Newsweek recently, Pitt complained of the perils he faced with being an A list celebrity at the top of his game, namely, how answering a few questions on the red carpet was excruciating and wasn’t “what he signed up for."

He told Newsweek, "This publicity machine is out of control. It's everything we didn't sign up for." "There's this whole other entity that you get sucked into. You have to go and sell your wares.” "It's something I never made my peace with." "Somehow you're not supporting your film if you don't get on a show and talk about your personal life.” "It has nothing to do with why I do this," he whinged.

Is it really that hard for Brad to do a bit of promotion for a movie that he believes in and that he is getting paid so much money for? Surely, it’s the least he could do without grumbling.

Could it be so stressful to answer a minute’s worth of questions, even if slightly personal, on the red carpet, before attending an award show and a number of sumptuous after parties where he and other Hollywood A listers are fawned over with champagne and caviar?

It does sound awfully exhausting.

Yes the general public are fascinated in Pitt’s relationship with Angelina Jolie, but can you blame them?

The couple’s faces are plastered in magazines constantly. If Pitt didn’t sign up for it, why did he personally choose to photograph a very private yet revealing number of shots of Angelina and his children for a massive spread in W magazine that was sold in large quantities all over the world last year? Why did Pitt continually discuss his love triangle with Jolie and ex wife, Jennifer Aniston, in numerous interviews during the year? Why are Pitt & Jolie so high profile wherever they go in the world and appear in the media on a near daily basis, even when they aren’t promoting a movie?

If Pitt really wanted to be less exposed, it’s totally possible, it’s totally his choice. Just say no.

Perhaps stop whining Brad, because if you don’t want to do it, I am sure there are countless people who would be more than willing to swap places with you and “sell their wares."

Oscar Nominations Revealed At Last

The Oscar nominations were unveiled early this morning in Beverly Hills by Forest Whitaker and Academy Awards President, Sid Ganis.

The announcement was delayed two days due to the Inauguration and the hold up had Hollywood on its toes with anticipation.

The stars were up early, eagerly waiting to find out just who had made the cut. Because everyone in Hollywood knows, that list is more important than life itself.

The results of the nominations were mostly predictable with a few controversial moves and snubs.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button scooped the nominations pool with a total of 13 all up, followed closely by Slumdog Millionaire with 10 nominations and Milk with eight.

The top five films nominated for Best Picture are Slumdog Millionaire, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Frost/Nixon, Milk and The Reader.

The Dark Knight was sadly overlooked for Best Picture as was Revolutionary Road for both Best Picture and in the acting stakes for Kate Winslet and Leo DiCaprio, even though the film made a showing at the precursor awards leading up to the Oscar nominations.

Both Brad Pitt and sweetheart, Angelina Jolie made it into their respective Best Acting categories which is totally adorable and will no doubt please many photographers on the red carpet looking for the money shot, not to mention ensuring the Oscars is a high ratings TV show by plastering Brangelina’s expensive mugs on screen at any given moment. They are both up against stiff competition in their categories though and it will be an unpredicted win if either manages to grab an Oscar.

Heath Ledger received a Best Supporting Actor nod posthumously for The Dark Knight and goes up against heavyweights, Josh Brolin, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Robert Downing Jnr and a surprising fifth spot going to Michael Shannon for Revolutionary Road pushing out Dev Patel for Slumdog.

Penelope Cruz heads up the Best Supporting Actress nomination list alongside Amy Adams, Viola Davis, Taraji P Henson and Marisa Tomei with Penelope being the odds on favourite and overdue for an Oscar win.

Circle February 22nd in your diary for the big day. Oscar list of main category nominations are:

BEST PICTURE
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

BEST DIRECTOR
David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon
Gus Van Sant, Milk
Stephen Daldry, The Reader
Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Amy Adams, Doubt
Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis, Doubt
Taraji P Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Josh Brolin, Milk
Robert Downey Jr, Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt
Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road

BEST ACTRESS
Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie, Changeling
Melissa Leo, Frozen River
Meryl Streep, Doubt
Kate Winslet, The Reader

BEST ACTOR
Sean Penn, Milk
Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler
Richard Jenkins, The Visitor

Glamour Makes A Comeback At The Golden Globes

The 66th Annual Golden Globes were back last Sunday night after a respite due to the Writes Strike last year and nobody was happier to see its return than Hollywood’s premium A-listers.

The event gave celebrities something to do whilst sitting around waiting for a role to come their way. An extensive preparation phase was required before being able to attend the Globes which involved getting their faces freshly botoxed, bodies pummelled, massaged and drained of fat, the choosing of an outfit to wear to the event and selecting the accompanying bling to ensure they glittered like a mirror ball.

This could take several weeks if not months to organise, but it kept them busy and purposeful and they threw themselves into the task with gusto. Ultimately, their face, body, outfit and accessories needed to be perfection personified to enable them to feel confident parading like peacocks on the red carpet as well as hobnob with various directors for that possible upcoming role at the after parties.

This year’s red carpet brought in a respectable amount of glamour but in a sophisticated and stylish way with few daring to be different. A predominance of grey and neutral tones abounded which were classy if not a tad lacklustre. Some highlights both good and bad included the following:

Eva Mendes – Definitely a stand out in her white Dior silk taffeta gown. Her turquoise diamond necklace from Van Cleef and Arpels complemented her skin tone perfectly.

Drew Barrymore – Her Galliano for Dior dress was a gorgeous shade of blue-grey but mismatched with her bouffant hair which made her look so young and girly as if she had just walked of the set of E.T.

Eva Longoria – Back on form after a number of fashion mishaps in a stunning, curvaceous red Reem Acra dress. One of only a handful of celebrities who dared to wear traffic stopping red.

Cameron Diaz – Her hot pink one shoulder draped Chanel gown was absolutely divine with her golden tan and a real standout amongst the neutrals but maybe she could have retouched her roots. Her hair colour looked a little mousey on top.

Kate Winslet – Elegant & old school glam in black strapless Yves Saint Laurent if not just a bit boring. However, her gushing double acceptance speeches for two acting awards ensured she was anything but dull.

J-Lo – Resurrected her bootylicious self in a revealing, gold Marchesa number but the plunging neckline was reminiscent of a previous Versace gown she wore to the 2000 Grammys – been there done that, time to reinvent yourself Jen.

Renee Zellweger – Somebody’s going to get sacked over this one. Zellweger looked as if she had turned up to the event straight from the set of some Victorian epic she was shooting. Wrong on a number of levels, with her spiral curls, see through blouse over a nude bustier and fishtail skirt, the look was completed with Renee’s nutty facial expression which made people wonder how many pills she’d taken.

Brangelina – Cool as a cucumber, this couple can do no wrong even when they snub reporters on the red carpet. Brad Pitt is a god, but is Angelina Jolie’s relaxed glamour getting just a bit tedious? Her subdued metallic Versace gown with thigh high split was beautifully elegant and understated but will she ever wear a bright colour again?

Jeremy Piven – It’s nice to see Jeremy making a comeback after his bout of mercury poisoning – such dedication to the cause.