Oscar Recap: Razzle Dazzle & All That Jazz

Well we were presented with a new all singing all dancing format for the 81st Oscars on Sunday night that was low on the jokes but high on the dazzle.

But did we love it’s campness?

Well let’s just say Hugh Jackman delivered a spectacular spectacle alright but lacked the sarcastic deliciousness of previous hosts, John Stewart, Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg who had the gift of being able to send up the Hollywood community and make us all laugh at home even if the celebs who were at the Kodak Theatre didn’t or couldn’t chuckle due to tightened facial muscles.

To compensate for the fact that a financial crisis is taking place in the States, Hollywood tried to act as if cutting costs for big production numbers at the Oscars would be seen as sympathetic to the economic crisis and amusing to boot by the millions of people watching from home, so makeshift cardboard cut-outs representing the five best picture nominees were used as props to back up Hugh’s all singing/dancing review.

Yeah ok, we the peoples, were mildly amused by this but really it was like watching some seventies musical or possibly the Tony Awards which Hugh Jackman already hosted in a similar fashion.

The crowd was positioned closer to the stage inviting a theatresque, intimate setting where laughter could be heard reverberating around the room and dispelling the tension and intimidation experienced in previous years.

Unfortunately the pleasure of seeing Hollywood squirm as we have at past Oscars was sadly lacking but what we were rewarded with was a night of great speeches by a cross section of people.

Notable mentions of the night:

Hugh Jackman – performed a stellar Cabaret opening number complete with high kicks, thick orange pancake makeup and dried up saliva which seemed to be forming at the corners of his mouth due to nerves or dehydration perhaps?

Tina Fey & Steve Martin – one of the few really funny moments of the night. These two presented the Writers Awards and were just awesome together. Anyone got a script to throw their way?

Penelope Cruz – Won Best Supporting Actress and gave one of the best and real speeches of the night about growing up in a small town in Spain and her dreams of being at the Oscars.

Ben Stiller & Natalie Portman – Ben Stiller’s Joaquin Phoenix impersonation was spot on but not sure if everyone in the Kodak Theatre or watching from home for that matter got it.

Heath Ledger – Unsurprisingly, Heath won for Best Supporting Actor and even though he has been winning every precursor award in this category it was still extremely poignant to see his mother, father and sister come up to the stage to accept his award and give a very dignified speech on his behalf.

Kate Winslet – Finally won for Best Actress after being nominated several times. Looking breathtaking in her two toned YSL blue and black gown, her speech was much better than her over the top sermon she delivered for her win at the Golden Globes.

Sean Penn – Sean upstaged Mickey Rourke with his Best Actor win but gave a brilliant speech starting with "You commie, homo-loving sons of guns. I did not expect this, and I want it to be very clear that I do know how hard I make it to appreciate me often."

Danny Boyle – Our favourite of the night, Boyle’s speech was gracious and honest – a truly genuine guy.

But the best for last, the most noteworthy moment of the night though has to be the Brangelina vs Aniston debacle. As Jennifer Aniston took to the stage with Jack Black to present the Animation awards, the Oscar producers couldn’t resist a sneaky cut to Angelina Jolie to gauge her reaction.

But Jolie being the smart lady she was and noticing the camera lens pointing her way, had already arranged her features with a warm expression, smiling widely up at Aniston when the cameras panned her way as if what Aniston was saying was just so great and funny and if they were all going to invite each other over for a cup of tea real soon.

Ah Hollywood, don’t you just love em.

Nicole Kidman Does A Mean Didgeridoo

Things are getting pretty damn desperate over at Camp Kidman. Taking any and every last minute pot shot to promote her film “Australia,” Nicole Kidman turned up with Hugh Jackman on German TV show Wetten, dass . . ? and was easily coaxed into playing the didgeridoo, although her frail playing left a lot to be desired.

Hugh Jackman, cajoled along by the merriment, tried posing on one leg as Aboriginal actor David Gulpilil did in the movie, whilst trying to dance to Kidman’s didgeridoo playing. Not an easy task but necessary to salvage a sinking ship named “Australia.”

It appears that Kidman’s inadvertent actions have infuriated Aboriginal groups and caused an uproar amongst tribal elders. Aboriginal folklore deems that women shouldn’t touch a didgeridoo let alone play one as it could result in them becoming infertile. Oh the sheer irony, not even touching that one.

This latest fracas has caused outrage in Australia mainly due to the fact that Kidman seems to have learnt nothing about Aboriginal customs during filming of “Australia” which is odd particularly as there were many Aborigines working within cast and crew as well as the film’s themes covering some Aboriginal issues.

Kidman made a previous gaffe at the New York premiere of “Australia,” when a reporter asked her which tourist attractions she would suggest to travellers whilst visiting Australia, to which she replied “Sorry, my head’s spinning.” Nice. See post here.

This latest round of bad publicity seems to be a recurring theme of late with Kidman not being able to so much as dip her toe into the media stratosphere without criticism being hurled her way.

Nicole Kidman Freezes her Assets Off At UK Premiere of Australia

Nicole Kidman & Hugh Jackman continued grinding their worldwide roadshow of “Australia” taking it to the streets and bringing it to the beloved peoples. However the love appears to be tanking fast.

Nicole & Hugh braved the red carpet on a wintery Wednesday night at the Odeon Leicester Square in London. Hugh looking effortlessly dashing continued to uphold his “Sexiest Man Alive” title and Nicole wearing a gleaming white dress which was prim in look but thin in feel clearly revealed her g string and nipples to the gathered onlookers.

Except for her visible assets on show at the premiere, Nicole’s more adventurous and risky dress sense from days gone by seems to have abandoned her altogether. She appears to be favouring a more mature and sensible style of dress these days which only makes her appear well... granny like.

So the face and lip work hasn’t really helped her in the fight to preserve her youthful appearance if she continues to dress like an old lady.

Nicole kept her sound bytes upbeat in the face of the critics’ generally low opinions of the movie.

“I hope people like it and it makes them fall in love with my country," she said. "I hope they realise it's funny and romantic and it's a popcorn movie."

Nicole, we tried desperately to fall in love with the movie as all the posters commanded us to but unfortunately couldn’t get past your face.

Australia: A Movie As Big As the Opening Title

cocobytes Review
Even before “Australia” began playing in the cinema last night, there were so many ads shown prior to it with the tagline “proud sponsors of Australia the movie” that I was in no doubt I was about to see a movie called “Australia”. Is it necessary to pump us with even more “Australia” advertising just before it starts? You’ve already got my ticket money – let’s leave it at that.

“Australia” is definitely a spectacle to behold but then that’s what Baz Luhrmann does best - produces fabulous extravaganzas of epic proportions. He set himself a very bold agenda and on a broad scale he delivers. Luhrmann works with the same mantra as he did on “Moulin Rouge” – big, ambitious and dazzling is better. But is it? It worked to some degree for “Moulin Rouge” but does it work here?

Luhrmann delivers every cliché in the rule book. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but we have seen it all before. Apparently Luhrmann referenced every Australian movie that’s been made as well as a good deal of American movies whilst researching for “Australia” and frankly you can see that whilst you’re watching it.

Scenes from movies previously viewed kept flying through my head – “Pearl Harbour”, “Dirty Harry”, the Dunkirk scene from "Atonement”, “Titanic” etc etc. The settings and styling were so stereotypical, it’s like they borrowed a big reference book of ideas, designs & clothes of that period in history from the library and proceeded to copy them exactly.

Out of the actors, the one true standout is newcomer Brandon Walters who plays half –caste “Nullah”. He is unaffected and natural next to the overhyped performances around him that you feel drawn to his story which is somewhat brief as Luhrmann has a lot to cover before the movie finishes.

The actors are fairly typecast in their various roles and their Australian accents are so over the top Aussie twanged, it’s just silly, if not just a tad condescending to assume everyone speaks like that. Hugh Jackman for one, sprinkles his conversation liberally with the word “Crikey” a little too often.

Other solid performances are given by David Wenham who plays the not so nice Neil Fletcher and David Gulpilil as Nullah’s grandfather King George. Lead actor Hugh Jackman is clichéd but strong if only because he is playing against Ms Kidman.

Which brings us to Nicole.

OK so I have waited till the end to mention her and there is just one word to describe her performance – demented.

Her face is so absurd that it’s impossible to take the woman seriously. I have never seen a person with eyebrows at such right angles. She permanently only has one expression throughout the movie – a sort of psychotic stare that she uses to convey every emotion – rage, happiness, concern, sadness. I was also drawn to her ever changing lips. In some scenes they looked so huge and plumped, it’s like she went into her trailer for a quick injection during lunch breaks.

If you did manage to get past her face to at least take on board her acting skills, well you were wasting your time – that was dreadful too. It’s cringe worthy and over the top where it needn’t be. Nicole just cannot act. Life has made her far too self-conscious to ever be able to deliver a good performance now. She couldn’t really act pre-botox and now not at all. It’s a harsh sentiment but unfortunately true.

In the end “Australia” is watchable but not enough to move you and if you can get past the spectacle of Nicole Kidman’s unlined face against the cracked dry backdrop of the outback, you just might enjoy it.

Sympathy Piece For The Handbag

OK someome had to help the little fella out and write something about him. I mean he’s been pushed aside to let the Diva through.

At the “Australia” premiere in Sydney, Keith Urban was all but forgotten by the Great One. I think he really was holding Nicole Kidman’s handbag. He was positioned on the outskirts of the red carpet, behind the crowds, whilst Nic strode confidently where the main action was, flashbulbs going off in her face, waving to her fans and sharing frozen smiles with the paparazzi.

Keith’s mug must have turned up in like two published photos of the event, whilst Nic tried her hardest to be in every shot. I couldn’t find one photo published of both of them standing together but Keith was ordered to attend and he did what he was told because he was frightened.

This was where Nic really shone, so she didn’t need the little man to hold her back. After all she had the top boys, i.e. Baz Luhrmann and Hugh Jackman to pose with and after all Hugh is a lot taller.

Oprah Does Sucky Sucky Big Time To Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman & Hugh Jackman started ramping up the publicity machine in anticipation of the rollout of “Australia” their upcoming movie, by appearing on Oprah today.

Hugh of course was gorgeous and down to earth and absolutely chuffed to have made it onto Oprah for the first time – bless.

Nicole’s head however, was painted with so much makeup, in some angles she looked like the Joker. I couldn’t help staring at her crimson lips which were freshly pumped and a recent addition to her work in progress – her face. Less than a year ago, she had extremely thin cruella lips. No matter – it’s all part of her master plan of self reinvention – she won’t stop until her metamorphosis into a Wildenstein is complete.

The face paint was probably her shield against the evil gaze of the TV cameras. Surely her face alone would have taken her fawning assistants a couple of hours to create instead of the five minutes she declared it takes her to get ready in a previous article – come on give me a break!

At one point in the interview, in an obviously rehearsed and staged moment, Nicole produced a photo of baby Sunday Beef Roast. The photo apparently was taken with Keith’s phone but it appeared to be beautifully developed and god forbid, as if it had been carefully concepted and produced in a photographic studio. In case nobody got the fact it was a picture of her kid, narcissistic Nicole made sure her perky nose job and fish lips peeked out of the shot as well.

Check out the footage here:

Sycophant Oprah was all over Nicole, hurling superlatives about the movie it was truly stomach churning. Oprah probably asked for an extra pack of yummy Tim Tams for that one since Nic & Hugh were giving them out to the audience to bribe them into liking the movie.

Get ready for the Nicole roadshow in the days leading up to the “Australia” premiere. No doubt she will come up with some juicy bullshit sound bytes of her own to keep her in the press as long as possible.

We look forward to the sham.