Keith Salutes His 45 Year Old Baby Girl

In yet another attempt to show the world that they are gloriously in love and their relationship still has legs media wise, Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman did their best to act like they really cared for each other. Unfortunately nobody actually cares for them.

Never has the world beamed down two more boring individuals than these two robotic advertisements for plastic surgery gone wrong and a demonstration of acting class 101.

Nicole who it would appear will now go to the opening of a safety pin, due to lack of work commitments, accompanied her heavily pancaked hubbie to the American Music Awards on Sunday night.

Nic practically ran onto the red carpet and dropped to her knees to inhale the shag pile, she had missed it so much. She had been experiencing a red carpet withdrawal since her Oscar win when things started to go downhill.

Kidman was in seventh heaven on the red carpet at the American Music Awards. Keith on the other hand, was concerned if he had performed his poses correctly and wondered if he would be in trouble later. The couple executed their now famous profile to profile move which they have patented and have used on many previous red carpets.

They created the move as Keith’s makeup and three day growth messed up Nicole’s tightly pulled face, so with this move, no actual facial contact was required, just a deep intense stare into each other’s eyes which conveyed a seriously loved up couple to people watching.

Keith took his feelings for his sweetheart further by professing his love for Kidman and not to be forgotten, little Sunday when he picked up the award for Favourite Country Artist award at the show.

On accepting the award he said, "To my wife, I just love you so much, baby girl," "This is for you and Sunday."

Kidman sat in the front row and beamed at her husband because he memorised what they workshopped together beautifully.

Baby girl and pancake face left shortly after satisfied that they had produced yet another brilliant show.

We look forward to the next red carpet event to see the same moves performed yet again.

Nicole Kidman: One Red Hot Sexual Poker?

Yep. She’s back to her tried and tested old tricks again.

In case you’ve been living under a rock you would know that La Kidman has a new movie out soon, ie “Nine” the all singing, all dancing, all Hollywood hottest ladies starring movie due to be released shortly.

The cast is jam packed with some of the most gorgeous stars around i.e. Penelope Cruz, Kate Hudson, Marion Cotilard, Fergie and Sophia Loren, so what do you do when you want to ensure some of that much needed publicity flies your way and maybe not theirs?

You come up with some bullshit story about being a sexually charged adventuress who chews up men and spits their leftovers into the toilet, or something along those lines.

In an interview with GQ magazine, Kidman revealed she had dark, hot feelings in her loins and her experiences of love ranged from ‘mundane’ marriage (no guesses with whom on that one) to “strange sexual fetish stuff”, (a big sweeping statement and yet no further detail was given).

I’ve explored obsession. I’ve explored loss and love in terms of being in a grief-stricken place, I’ve explored strange sexual fetish stuff, I’ve explored the mundane aspect of marriage, and monogamy,’ she said.

That will keep the press interested for a time, surely?

The illuminating interview was accompanied by Nicole doing her best robot dominatrix cover shot complete with one alluring yet confusing black chiffon glove and kinky over the knee leather boots.

Unfortunately her face remained frozen solid in a passive Mona Lisa smile. She tried valiantly to arrange her features into something close to a come hither look but it was a no go, it had been immobile since the first injection circa 2000 when Tom departed.

The most alarming note about her sound bytes was that we were supposed to assume that she was somehow doing the “strange, sexual fetish stuff” with none other than the Tan Man, Keith Urban.

Kidman said ‘It’s a very extraordinary, adventurous place to be: incredibly raw, incredibly dangerous and you’re very much out at sea. You're exposed. You could drown.

Oh puleeze…

It is hard for us to visualize that after spending a day of crooning country tunes, Keith liked nothing better than to peel off the checked shirt and cowboy boots at night to transform into the Gimp to satisfy his lady’s fetishes.

He was also a self sufficient type of guy, so he liked to tie himself up to the bed posts and await his woman who would administer twenty of her best lashings to his tanned back whilst wearing a granny nightie and a full face of fright night make up. She liked to imagine it was some of the Hollywood studio bosses who wouldn’t give her work anymore so Keith had to be a saint to take the beatings, but at least her knew his pretty bride would get a good night’s sleep afterward.

Yeah we are totally buying it.

Nicole Kidman Purchases A New Wig

Nicole Kidman appears to have gone back to her red hair or at least treated herself to a new red wig.

The white blond snow queen look that La Kidman perfected since she left Tom Cruise made her look like she was at least a thousand years old but was the only colour she could go for which allowed her to cover up all the grey granny hair she had.

Nicole has been searching for a new look since she became mother to Sunday Rose, and loving wife to Keith Urban. She realised that she had been getting some bad press since she was a cold blonde and now needed something that would warm up that icy expression she projects so well.

Nicole ordered a hundred orangutans have their hair shaven off so that a fresh red wig could be made for her head.

Last night, Nicole and Keith were seen in New York after leaving the Broadway play God of Carnage. Nicole had her new red wig soldered to her head along with what appeared to be a swelling belly.

Dressed in a shapeless, bag lady style pink slip, it caused the gathered press to assume at once she was pregnant. Which ofcourse is what Nicole wants you to assume, because Nicole knows it’s important to keep media attention on her at all times. God forbid that we should actually forget about her if the press didnt remind us.

Husband, Keith navigated his wife around the waiting media like the diligent sidekick he is. If anyone needed a makeover overhall, surely it’s Keith? The guy has been carrying around that mop of a highlighted hairstyle for the last twenty years as well as a love of orange skin. The pair couldn’t be more different and yet perhaps they are perfect together.

Get ready to see more of Nicole popping up all over the place as the year progresses, after all she has a movie coming out and it’s important to be seen and not forgotten.

Nicole Kidman Attempts Sexy Back

Nicole Kidman hasn’t got many avenues left to head down these days to get the kind of publicity she used to be able to achieve.

The only option left for her is the red carpet.

The woman gives good red carpet, seriously. She is one of the best there is, she works it well, has Keith trained beautifully on his poses and knows how to get the best money shots. She should be good though, she learnt from the master, Tom Cruise.

She had that shit down pat with Cruise, he nuzzled her neck on queue, they looked moodily into each others eyes and they gave cold yet sexy stares to the awaiting photographers. It was all in a day’s work and that’s why they were the number one couple in their heyday.

Now things have changed and Nic wants to regain the throne with the help of husband, Keith Urban. However, she has a few issues to contend with that so far have stopped her getting there.

One of them is Keith. He just doesn’t have it the same desire that she or even Tom Cruise had. He’s a laid back dude and not publicity hungry and you can tell he is more concerned if he has succeeded in acting out the pose that Nicole told him to do when they were practicing in front of the mirror at home because she could get angry if he gets it wrong.

Secondly, Nicole’s face has changed so dramatically since her glory days with Tom that she looks positively senior citizen; hence she just doesn’t look hip and happening.

Because of this Nicole has had to compromise. Now she doesn’t mind where the red carpet is or what it’s for, who cares, if she spies a red carpet, she is so there.

That’s what she and Keith appeared to be doing at the Country Music Awards last weekend.

Nicole was wearing an ankle length black dress all blinged up to the max which was all covered up at the front, but the reverse of her dress had a wide slash to reveal her toned back. Naturally she was overdressed next to the other attendees who wore Stetsons and jeans.

Nicole ensured that every picture the paps snapped had her back strategically placed for maximum coverage. She orchestrated some additional shots with Keith, where they appeared to laugh at nothing particular, knock heads as they have done in numerous photos previously and looking like they were having the best time together.

The woman will never give up her scheming and try to just be a normal human being. We know she needs to keep getting work (even though she had declared repeatedly to the world she wants to give up Hollywood) but at some point, doesn’t she just want to move on with her life?

Then again it’s probably too late for that kind of behaviour now. She really can’t remember the all the many stories she keeps telling the world, just like the way she can’t remember ever using Botox.

Nicole Kidman: Actress Seeking Work, Will Do Anything

Nicole Kidman is pulling out all the stops to ensure she stays employed and is able to continue to maintain the luxurious lifestyle she is used to leading. After all, the woman does have a private plane to maintain.

Even though in recent months, Ms Kidman made strong declarations that she was planning to quit acting altogether and start a farm, do some gardening or cook a lamb roast for Keith and Sunday Rose or something along those comforting lines, it would appear that was just some spin to cover the fact in case she didn’t get any work.

We have seen her of recent times walking around Nashville looking forlorn, sometimes with kid in hand, sometimes with Keith but really just managing to get herself in everyone’s way and not having the slightest clue what to do in suburbia.

La Kidman is clearly not comfortable unless she is on set surrounded by the best in the business and dressed to the nines on a film carrying a $5 million dollar wardrobe budget.

But times have changed and even Hollywood is effected by the financial crisis, so what is a once A lister supposed to do? Well nobody said Nicole wasn’t resourceful. She is doing what other actors do when they don’t get film work, film a commercial overseas with a massive budget and just hope like hell that nobody in Hollywood finds out.

That’s what Nicole has done, here she is in India this week filming a commercial for a well known soft drink company and completely selling her ass out in the process.

Only recently Sean Penn made a rather not so oblique reference to Kidman saying in a roundabout way that an actor he worked with stopped shooting so that they could film their Chanel commercial. See Sean Penn story here.

But times are lean and Nicole is pimping her ass all over town to grab anything she can get her mitts on to keep the dosh rolling in.

In addition she has just signed on as part of an ensemble cast for an as yet untitled upcoming Woody Allen film.

Oh thank goodness, Sunday will be able to get her dinner now after all.

Nicole Kidman Says Don’t Forget Me, Look Here’s Sunday Rose

You know Nicole Kidman’s a real trouper.

When she isn’t getting any media attention, she always has a new trick to pull out of her bag to get the paps all wound up.

At the start of the month it was the old, rest your hands on your tummy and everyone will think you’re preggers routine. Doesn’t matter if it was true or not, it certainly garnered enough publicity hype.

When everyone got bored of that one, she changed strategies. Now it’s bring out baby and ensure as many photographers as possible are around to see her with baby slung casually on hip.

Photos of La Kidman and bub can fetch a nice price thank you very much and once they are all over the web, then hey presto interest is activated.

One could assume this could be the case when Kidman was spotted out and about in Nashville with a rather tired looking Sunday Rose heading off to the Nashville Gymboree Play & Music Centre for some singing and dancing together time.

Her daughter seemed to be positioned so that photographers could get the best shot of both mother & baby and for a tot so young it seemed odd that she wasn’t wearing any head covering to protect her from the elements, but then I guess wearing a hat would obscure the photo.

It’s important for Nicole to stay on the Hollywood radar, because let’s face it, now that filming of “Nine” is finished, are there any new projects on the horizon?

Let’s hope this latest bout of interest in Kidman will enable a new movie script to get thrown her way because Nicole is running out of ideas of how to hold our interest and frankly we’re running out of interest in Nicole.

Nicole Kidman Likes To Tease Us

Yes she’s back to her tricksy ways. Always taunting us with the old “is she or isn’t she pregnant routine.” I’m talking about Nicole Kidman ofcourse.

Remember she gave us that spiel around the beginning of last year? One moment denying she was pregnant, in other instances cradling her stomach rather blatantly as if she was with child, all with a secret smile on her lips.

The press continually released confusing statements to the public as to the nature of Ms Kidman’s delicate condition, one moment pregnant, one moment not and her publicist routinely denied everything. It was puzzling but that’s the point – it kept us all interested.

And then once she had built up enough curiosity she finally broadcast to the world that yes, she was pregnant, or at least somebody was. On the unveiling of her news, she looked deliciously pleased with herself.

Is this what Nicole has got up her sleeve this time round?

She was photographed in Japan with an overly tanned Hugh Jackman doing a late flog of their movie “Australia.” You know the one that garnered the really bad reviews for Nicole. Besides the fact that the chignon on her head made her look about ninety, Nicole insisted on patting some non existent lump on her stomach as if she was pregnant. Now why would she do such a thing, if she wasn’t?

Naturally the press there for the event immediately alerted the world that she was pregnant. But Nicole, however, had her publicist deny the allegations. She may or may not continue to taunt us on whether she is or isn’t in the family way but really that isn’t the point. It’s just a good way of keeping the press engrossed in her.

And why do you suppose she is doing this? Isn’t it clear? Her career has all but been annihilated after her abysmal performance in “Australia.” She’s in the bad books, nobody wants to hire her and she needs a tactic to win over the public and Hollywood’s love again.

And now she’s got it. It worked superbly the first time around with Sunday Rose and now it’s going to work for her again. That baby angle is pure gold.

Whether she actually is or isn’t pregnant is irrelevant.

Oscar Glamorama

To gear us up for the 81st Annual Academy Awards on Sunday night, let’s take a trip down memory lane and check out all the best of the best glamorous and blinged up ladies working it majorly on the red carpet over the years at the Oscars.

You will notice some of their faces have changed over time but hey, its Hollywood and a girl’s got to be able to give good red carpet if they want to survive and be noticed because let’s face it a successful gown is all one needs these days to get noticed by a top director.

These are some of our faves:

Julianne Moore (Oscars 03) - Four time Oscar nominee Julianne Moore wears gorgeous emerald YSL on the red carpet perfectly complimenting her auburn hair. Our absolute favourite.

Michelle Williams (Oscars 06) – This saffron yellow Vera Wang gown looks superb on Michelle matched with bright red lips. A dazzling look but she gets away with it.

Reese Witherspoon (Oscars 07) - Reese Witherspoon is just stunning in aubergine layered Nina Ricci by Olivier Theyskens.

Angelina Jolie (Oscars 04) - Angelina Jolie in sexy white satin Marc Bouwer, say no more.

Cate Blanchett (Oscars 99) - Cate turns up not once but twice in our gallery and we could have gone for a third. John Galliano’s back-embroidered butterfly-decorated gown is just amazing and Cate has consistently been a true style leader over the years.

Gwyneth Paltrow (Oscars 07) – With straight ironed locks and beautifully pleated apricot tulle-and-chiffon Zac Posen gown, we can forgive Gwyneth for past misdemeanours.

Bjork (Oscars 01) – Dead swan dress obliterates the compettion. Nuff said.

Looking forward to bitching about all the new gowns and faces on the red carpet Sunday night.

Check back for a recap.

Sean Penn - Pissed At Gold Digger Actors

Don’t get in Sean Penn’s way. He’s pissed and rightly so.

Not at us hard workers, mind you, just his fellow gluttonous actors who feel the need to prop up their already sizeable film salaries by doing endorsements with high paying clients who want their beautifully transfixed faces to sell their products.

Yes it is nauseating. Don’t these people have enough already? No they are insatiable money grabbing whores who don’t feel that a $40 million income per year is enough to maintain the lifestyle that they desire.

In an interview with Rolling Stone magazine, Sean indirectly calls out one actress by her endorsement deal, stopping short of naming the person in question but clearly wanting to.

He said, “People are spending too much time modelling for some f**king clothing company instead of acting, and I resent it. It’s like, ‘Are you going to do the Chanel ad today? I thought you were in the middle of shooting a f**king movie.”

“Just let me know if you mean it. I want to know you’re trying to write the great American novel every time. Fail all you want, but f**king try.”

Is Sean making an oblique reference to Nicole Kidman? Come on, we all know Sean Penn worked with Kidman in “The Interpreter” and around that time she became the face of Chanel.

The guy is absolutely furious and rightly so. Are we to surmise that Ms Kidman was cutting days of filming during “The Interpreter” so that she could shoot her $3.7 million salaried, 30 second commercial she was producing with Baz Luhrmann, for Chanel? A shoot that, let’s face it, she is more capable of being good at. Beautiful dresses, flawless makeup, expensive scent and a photoshopped face, what more could a girl ask for?

But ofcourse we can only speculate.

It appears there are two types of actors in Hollywood. One are actors like Penn, who are utterly dedicated to create something that they have given their heart and soul to, and another are movie stars who happily pimp out their asses to the highest paying bidder by endorsing whatever product they have going, if it happens to be high end, all the better.

It’s a good thing Penn is trying to shame actors into taking their day job seriously. But is it a lost cause? We are talking about Hollywood here, a place which breeds of its own hype, where the very wealthiest stars are not only accepted but also respected and admired.

Good luck trying Sean.

Baz Still Loves Nicole Kidman After All

Oh it’s an absolute relief to know that Nicole Kidman can still count on Baz Luhrmann as a friend, even though it was reported that she allegedly helped to sabotage the success of her movie “Australia” by saying she didn’t like her work in the film whilst the movie was still doing the PR rounds.

Mind you around the same time, Baz had also declared to the world that he couldn’t work with Nicole again as she was totally highly strung or something to that effect. So guess it was a case of tit for tat for both parties.

But all seemed to be forgiven last Friday night, when they both appeared together, hugging and smiling, at the Waldorf Astoria in New York for a dinner, where Nicole paid tribute to Baz, presenting him with the Excellence in the Arts Award.

Baz was being honoured for his contributions to the Australian Film Industry at the dinner which was part of the G’Day USA Australia Week celebrating everything Australian.

Nicole chose the event to come out of hiding since an overwhelming amount of negative reviews of “Australia” mainly directed at her performance, had forced her to go undercover at her Nashville home where she could cry into her pillow undisturbed.

Showing off long strawberry blonde hair extensions and wearing a black satin dress with thigh high split, Nicole looked nervous and pensive, although that could just be due to her botox.

Her speech for Baz had to ofcourse feature herself because let’s face it, she’s not really eager to promote or speak highly of anyone else and Nicole really wanted to reignite the fires of interest in her personal life to the gathered crowd.

She said “Four years ago I was honoured at a similar event in Los Angeles and a young musician, very talented musician was being honoured that night too, and I had never heard of him,” Kidman said. “Now I have heard of him and I have to say I owe a lot to this event.”

Yeah whatever, I thought we were honouring Baz?

Nicole may be taking baby steps into the big bad world to test the press and public reaction as no doubt she will have to come out of hiding at some stage soon once her next movie “Nine” is ready for promotion.

Let’s hope for Nicole’s sake she likes her performance in her next movie, or more to the point, let’s hope we do.

Nicole Kidman Hates Her Acting As Much As We Do

Nicole Kidman felt the puzzling need to let the world know she can’t stand seeing herself on screen and isn’t proud of her performance in latest movie “Australia." A rather strange & damaging comment to make whilst “Australia” is still running in movie theatres worldwide and one of which director, Baz Luhrmann, and the producers must be really delighted about.

Kidman was being interviewed by Australian radio station 2 Day FM, saying she “squirmed” in her seat during the Sydney premiere because she felt extremely uncomfortable watching herself on screen.

Kidman said "I can't look at this movie and be proud of what I've done. I sat there, and looked at Keith and went, 'Am I any good in this movie?' But I thought Brandon Walters and Hugh Jackman were wonderful. It's just impossible for me to connect to it emotionally at all."

Kidman was so embarrassed by her performance and her tight, highly animated face on screen, that as soon as the premiere was over she hailed a taxi to the airport and got her sorry ass and handbag, Keith out of the country toots sweet because her nervy disposition couldn’t take it if someone said the slightest negative thing about her.

The sad lady knew the critics were just waiting with pens poised for the movie to finish so they could write something damning about her frozen face and jittery acting skills on screen.

She said "We ran because I didn't want to read anything. I didn't want to know. I saw my sister and my family and we saw Keith's family and then we were straight on a plane." Kidman added she only attended the premiere to please the film's director Baz Luhrmann.

Oh the poor dear, she probably wanted to throw herself onto her lilac bed and cry softly into her silk pillows to wash the pain away.

The most interesting tidbit she uttered in the interview was that throughout her entire movie career she had only had only been able to force herself to sit through screenings for “Moulin Rouge” and “Australia.” She said: "I don't usually see my films, but because of Baz I had to see it. I saw 'Moulin Rouge'. I've really only seen that and this in my whole career. It gets worse as I get older."

It gets worse as I get older??

Isn’t she an Oscar winner? Isn’t she proud of any of her previous performances or does she, like us, think they are all shit. It’s not fair that she didn’t have to sit through her other movies and we did.

A word of advice Nicole, get over your special victims unit survivor act – you don’t know how to act it and nobody’s buying it. You are doing much more damage by opening your inside out lipped mouth and trying to play the injured party.

Alternatively, you could stop acting - as you say yourself, it will only get worse as you get older.

See SMH for full story.

Nicole Kidman Is Crying Into Her Pillow

Nicole Kidman’s PR machine has let it be known covertly, via the various media channels, that Kidman is extremely wounded by all the criticism that has been thrown at her for her work in recent movie “Australia.”

She would like to know why all the mud that has been slung about hasn’t been aimed at anyone else in the movie. Surely there were others that were really bad too? Why didn’t they also get their asses caned?

Due to this, Kidman has declared to anyone within earshot that she won’t be returning home to Sydney for Christmas with daughter, Sunday Rose, but will remain in privacy at her Nashville home. Yeah, so what’s the problem?

I thought she announced recently that she absolutely adored Nashville and hoped Sunday Rose would acquire a southern accent? OK, Nicole, so start working on that project now.

Did Nicole ever actually hang out in Australia? I only recall her arriving in Australia when she was either a) filming a movie or b) working the red carpet, so not sure what she means by her statement.

Additionally, why is she directing her hurt feelings towards Australia? If memory serves, the more complimentary of reviews of her performance in the movie were from Australian film reviewers, possibly her friends of course, but encouraging none the less. In fact, most of the more damaging assessments have been dished out by both European and US critics, so how was Australia solely responsible?

Alright, so the woman’s hurting inside, and to be fair, I can understand. This unexpected dislike for La Kidman appears to have come with great ferocity and all of a sudden. But in reality, it has been building in the background for a number of years.

In moments like this, Nicole reverts to playing the victim but does she ever think that perhaps, just perhaps, she is somehow responsible? Maybe if she did a little soul searching and worked her way through the all the lies she has previously told, she might find the cause for this monumental backlash that has been directed at her.

She should ask herself questions like; does she somehow cause these bad feelings amongst people? Did she ever know how to act in the first place? Does she ever remember using Botox on her face that she has been using now for many years? C’mon Nicole, be truthful, at least to yourself.

Then again, in the words of Jack Nicholson in “A Few Good Men,”

“Maybe you can’t handle the truth.”

See Sydney Morning Herald for full story

Nicole Kidman, No Longer Baz’s Girl

Well it looks like the love affair is over.

Baz Luhrmann took the bizarre step of informing the world that he no longer would be able to work with former muse, Nicole Kidman.

Was someone holding a gun to his head?

Who said he had to work with the same actor again and since when is it necessary for a director to explain to the world that he no longer wished to work with the same actor on any upcoming projects? Or in fact explain the mechanics of what he plans to do in the future at all?

You just don’t work with them.

Or is the reason deeper than that?

It would appear that Baz wants to distance himself from Ms Box Office Poison, as most of his film, “Australia’s” criticism seems to be directed squarely at her. Kidman seems to be assisting in bringing about its downfall. Things cannot be good over at the Luhrmann base if he feels the need to publicly denounce her.

His reasons for not working with her in the future seem rather ridiculous.

"So many life-transforming things happen when we work together,” Luhrmann said.
"On Moulin Rouge she was breaking up with Tom Cruise and my father died on the first day of filming," Luhrmann told Britain's Daily Telegraph newspaper.

"Then six weeks before we finished filming “Australia,” we were doing a scene where her character has to say she can't have children and she goes, Bazzy, Bazzy, I've got to see you, and we sit down under a tree and she tells me she's pregnant and she burst into tears and I did, too, because I knew that was what she wanted more than anything else.”

"We both said we can't make another movie together because there are only so many life-transforming events we can go through."

OK so we can take from that that she is a drama queen and causes issues on set but it seems like a ludicrous reason none the less. It’s not like she turned up to film high on drugs or alcohol.

Luhrmann admits that 20th Century Fox, were having problems marketing it to audiences because of its mix of slapstick comedy and intense drama.

"Fox are having trouble selling it," he said. "They're having trouble making a trailer that can sell tickets. I'm scared and fearful of this. Will everyone get it? No. But I've been amazed by the variety of audiences who are intensely emotional in reacting to it."

Clearly his fear is causing him to detach himself from Kidman so he himself can pick up the pieces of his career. Who can blame him?

Nicole can’t be happy about this latest public denouncement by the director no less, after weeks of negative critique being thrown at her since the launch of “Australia.”

There was only one way for her to play it – restate her stand on lessening any upcoming acting work so she can spend more time with Sunday Roast & The Fringe.

Typically, arrogantly, she said "I have to say I'm not that interested in making films any more," she told the newspaper. "I know I'm not meant to say that, but that's where it is for me now.”

"I'm 41 years old and very happy being in Tennessee with my baby and with my husband.”
"I obviously have creative blood in me and it needs to come out in some way but I just don't have that burning desire anymore. I'm not saying I'm never going to work again, but I'm at peace with whatever happens, which is a nice place to be at this stage of my life."

As nobody wants to touch Nicole with a yardstick, I am sure her wishes will be granted.

Nicole Kidman Does A Mean Didgeridoo

Things are getting pretty damn desperate over at Camp Kidman. Taking any and every last minute pot shot to promote her film “Australia,” Nicole Kidman turned up with Hugh Jackman on German TV show Wetten, dass . . ? and was easily coaxed into playing the didgeridoo, although her frail playing left a lot to be desired.

Hugh Jackman, cajoled along by the merriment, tried posing on one leg as Aboriginal actor David Gulpilil did in the movie, whilst trying to dance to Kidman’s didgeridoo playing. Not an easy task but necessary to salvage a sinking ship named “Australia.”

It appears that Kidman’s inadvertent actions have infuriated Aboriginal groups and caused an uproar amongst tribal elders. Aboriginal folklore deems that women shouldn’t touch a didgeridoo let alone play one as it could result in them becoming infertile. Oh the sheer irony, not even touching that one.

This latest fracas has caused outrage in Australia mainly due to the fact that Kidman seems to have learnt nothing about Aboriginal customs during filming of “Australia” which is odd particularly as there were many Aborigines working within cast and crew as well as the film’s themes covering some Aboriginal issues.

Kidman made a previous gaffe at the New York premiere of “Australia,” when a reporter asked her which tourist attractions she would suggest to travellers whilst visiting Australia, to which she replied “Sorry, my head’s spinning.” Nice. See post here.

This latest round of bad publicity seems to be a recurring theme of late with Kidman not being able to so much as dip her toe into the media stratosphere without criticism being hurled her way.

Tom is Slimmer, Tighter, Firmer Than Ever Before

Geez, what a difference a few months make.

As recently as June, Tom Cruise was spotted out and about shakin’ those meaty jowls and stacked pounds on that beef cakey frame of his. However, in just a short time, we are witness to a leaner as well as a tighter Tom too and no I don’t just mean his ass. His face is tauter than not only his ex wife, Nicole Kidman’s but even the face he had in “Risky Business.”

Just what the hell is going on? I don’t recognise him.

His Cheshire grin looks more sleazy than cheesy.

Clearly there had been a comprehensive rejuvenation program scheduled into Tom’s diary from June of this year to allow ample time for the modifications to be finalised before promotion of “Valkyrie” his latest movie, started in early December.

The six month course would have included some fat draining, stomach stapling, face tightening, then onto Rodeo Drive for a spot of gay wardrobe shopping and Voila – Hello Gorgeous!

Tom’s no longer the tough jock guy; he’s the new age sensitive guy.

Goodbye “Top Gun.” Hello “Cocktail” and pass that man bag whilst you’re at it.

Nicole Kidman Freezes her Assets Off At UK Premiere of Australia

Nicole Kidman & Hugh Jackman continued grinding their worldwide roadshow of “Australia” taking it to the streets and bringing it to the beloved peoples. However the love appears to be tanking fast.

Nicole & Hugh braved the red carpet on a wintery Wednesday night at the Odeon Leicester Square in London. Hugh looking effortlessly dashing continued to uphold his “Sexiest Man Alive” title and Nicole wearing a gleaming white dress which was prim in look but thin in feel clearly revealed her g string and nipples to the gathered onlookers.

Except for her visible assets on show at the premiere, Nicole’s more adventurous and risky dress sense from days gone by seems to have abandoned her altogether. She appears to be favouring a more mature and sensible style of dress these days which only makes her appear well... granny like.

So the face and lip work hasn’t really helped her in the fight to preserve her youthful appearance if she continues to dress like an old lady.

Nicole kept her sound bytes upbeat in the face of the critics’ generally low opinions of the movie.

“I hope people like it and it makes them fall in love with my country," she said. "I hope they realise it's funny and romantic and it's a popcorn movie."

Nicole, we tried desperately to fall in love with the movie as all the posters commanded us to but unfortunately couldn’t get past your face.

Nicole Kidman “Overbonds” with Sunday Rose

By her own admission, Nicole Kidman has declared to the world (whilst her movie, Australia, was sinking fast) that she has "over bonded" with her daughter, Sunday Roast.

I’m finding it hard to comprehend Kidman’s definition of the word “over bonded”. What could she possibly mean by it?

She has constantly left her newborn child to attend premieres for her movie “Australia” around the world and started filming upcoming movie “Nine” in a ludicrously short time, just six weeks after she gave birth to Sunday Roast in early July, so really fail to understand exactly what she means by this term.

Apparently, again by her own declaration, her family are concerned by her obsessive behaviour.

"I'm totally devoted to her," she told UK newspaper The Independent.

"Mum says I'm over-bonded with her, but I don't care."

I wonder if she over bonded with her other two children, Isabella, 15 and Connor, 13, who she adopted with ex-husband Tom Cruise because during the course of her marriage to Cruise she was rarely ever seen photographed with them and now she rarely ever seems to mention them.

Here's Nicole bringing out Sunday Roast as her movie slides further downhill. I guess her "overbonding" with child doesnt extend itself to using a car seat or a seat belt for that matter because that wouldnt bring in the money shot, right?

Yes there is definitely some "over bonding" taking place, but it's not between Nicole Kidman and Sunday Roast, oh no, her over bonding is with the paparazzi.

Cate Blanchett – No Added Preservatives

God it’s reassuring to see a celebrity who is real. Well as real as you can be when you’re standing on the very unreal Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Here’s Cate Blanchett, finally being honoured with her much overdue Hollywood Star looking chic and classy with her simply elegant forties style outfit of black striped smoking jacked teamed with crisp white pants and Louboutin pumps.

Cate’s style and classic looks are so beautiful and appropriate for someone of 39 years old. I’ve never seen someone try less to impress.

She is one of those rare finds in Hollywood who doesn’t over try, doesn’t pimp her celebrity, doesn’t play the famewhore game. She’s isn’t in the press every second giving bad sound bytes – Nicole Kidman take note. As it is she seems quite shy and a little embarrassed here as if the whole star ceremony is ridiculous, which ofcourse it is.

Cate is one of those consistently good actresses who delivers time after time and has been favoured by Oscar for a few years now. We are hoping that she gets another Oscar nomination for her role in The Curious Case of Benjamin.

Let’s hear it for one of the genuine ones – there’s still a few left.

Nicole Kidman Brings Australia And New Boobs to Spain

Nicole Kidman continues with her road trip, taking “Australia” to Europe where she and everyone involved are hoping it will sell a few tickets.

At the premiere in Spain, we were privy to the spectacle of Nicole’s boobs, opting as she did, to wear a white bra under a black dress. Does this woman need to constantly court any and every sort of publicity to sell her film?

It’s interesting to note the evolution of Ms Kidman’s body over the last ten or so years. At the “Eyes Wide Shut” premiere in July 1999 for example, Nicole’s face and body were vastly different. To be brutally frank, she didn’t have breasts but was the owner of a rather boyish frame. She also didn't have the set of lips she has today.

Then again Tom Cruise looks quite different today to the way he looks in the image above. Actually he looks a lot younger today.

Nicole has been carefully shaping her face and body over the last decade and won’t stop til she gets to her final goal – Dolly Parton.

When All PR Options Are Exhausted, Bring Out The Baby

Yeah that’s right, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Things aren’t looking too good for Nicole Kidman. Her movie “Australia” is not delivering in the States, she can’t remember which lie sound byte she used at the last press call, she’s getting a lot of negative press from everywhere including this one so now it’s time.

It’s time to get Sunday Rose out to do her job.

It may seem like an early career start for Sunday Beef Roast, but there’s an economic crisis going down and she needs to pull her weight and earn her salary.

Nicole has seen how brilliantly ex hubby Tom Cruise, has exploited Suri to keep him in the press and soften his cuckoo image and Suri has delivered in spades.

Sunday Rose could do that for Nicole.

But the question needs to be asked, why are they strolling with the kid in her arms when they have a perfectly good driver they could use? Come on, celebrities don’t stroll anywhere. Why isn’t the baby in a stroller, wouldnt that be easier for both parent and child?

It all points to a massive ruse. You decide.

Parting shot – Love the way Keith never gets to hold Sunday Rose. That honour goes strictly to Nicole. Sometimes he is seen tentatively touching a baby toe or a finger – but that’s all he’s allowed. It’s Nicole’s moment, deal with it.